[ Insert some introductory thesis that serves as a hook to captivate the reader’s attention and stand out amongst other college essays ]. [ Begin depicting an exciting scenario, whether literal or metaphorical, that is somehow relevant to my purpose (and is absolute bullshit by the way) ]. [ Provide the scenario with feelings of uncertainty and/or fear on my part ] [ End the scenario with some sort of revelation- with a definitive closing sentence that either indicates a decision made or states a standpoint that I will spend the rest of my essay elaborating on ].
Congratulations, college. Congratulations on providing a completely original and thought- provoking essay prompt to your aspiring future-students. Congratulations on being completely aware of the fact that the essays produced for you are works of literary fiction that hold little to no indication of the valor of the student who wrote it. Congratulations especially for taking note of that fact after decades and decades of receiving the same formulaic essays. And even more congratulations to you, reading the essay, if you have taken note of my sarcasm up to this point.
How will I provide diversity to your college? I could spend the next hour or so illustrating the meaningless nature of this prompt. So I will. Diversity: : the condition of having or being composed of differing elements : variety; especially : the inclusion of different types of people (as people of different races or cultures) in a group or organization.
If it is racial diversity your college seeks to attain, I am certain it can be done so through the utilization of nothing but the racial and ethnic information students fill in S.A.Ts and basic applications. So why make the students write an essay about it?
Is it cultural diversity your college seeks to attain? Would you like to have the perfect ratio of jocks to goths to nerds? If so, would the purpose of this essay be to describe the kind of activities and peers we associate ourselves with? Oh wait- that information is also on our S.A.Ts and applications.
Is it to hear the voice of the student? Discern their aspirations and personality to see if it is of the caliber your college desires? That’s cute. The voice portrayed in college essays is not that of the student but of the English teachers and friends that reviewed and critiqued the essay. The essay is not composed of the student’s voice and will. It is composed of fiction intended to make the student look far more interesting than they really are in the form of a formula that professors bestow upon their students that is intended to make the essay stand out amongst others. The formula including of course the fantastic introduction I provided to you here ^ and various other techniques that “guarantee success”- which, of course, ultimately results in you receiving hundreds upon hundreds of this same formulaic essay over the decades. Lovely, how you’ve taken a hint.
