A mom is driving her little girl to a friend's house for a play date. "Mommy ," the little girl asks ,"how old are you?"
"Honey , you are not supposed to ask a lady her age", the mother warns .
"It is not polite".
"Ok", the little girl says ."How much do you weigh?"
"Now really ," the mother says , "these are personal questions and really none of your business."
Undaunted , the little girl asks," why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions , honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything ." The little girl says to her friend
"Well,"said the friend ,"all you need to do is look at her drivers license
It is like a report card it has everything on it", later that night ,the little girls says to her mother ," I know how old
you are . You are 32". The mother is surprised and asks ,"how did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140pounds ." The mother is past surprise and shocked now.
" How in heaven 's name did you find that out?"
"And ,"the little girel says triumphantly ,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce".
"Oh really?"The mother asks ." And why's that?"
"Because you got an F in sex".
Mother fainted
What We Do In Life Echos In Eternity.
STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand
Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.
Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them…
you are a mile away from them…
and you have their shoes.
“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.”
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way,
what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
What We Do In Life Echos In Eternity.
STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand
Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.
Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them…
you are a mile away from them…
and you have their shoes.
“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.”
I don't know why it was full of ugly people, and only ugly people, but it was; not a single person on the bus had ever had anyone attracted to them.
So, the bus is just going along, and the driver fucks up or something, and runs head on into an oncoming truck.
Everyone dies, and goes up to meet their maker.
Well, God feels sorry for them all, and decides to grant them each one wish before they enter paradise.
So they're in a big line in front of the gates, and he asks the first one what their wish is.
After thinking a few seconds, she says: "I want to be gorgeous."
Now the next person hears this, and starts freaking out. He thinks it's the greatest thing ever, and wishes to be handsome.
This continues on, everyone wishing to be beautiful/stud-like/etcetera, until the line is about half gone.
Then the guy at the end starts fucking up, laughing his ass off, and God casts an eye at him, thinking: "What the hell?", but does nothing about it, and lets the same wish continue on.
Now, when there's about 10 left, the guy is going NUTS. He's rolling around on the clouds laughing as hard as possible, and God is just wondering what the hell is up.
So he finally gets to the guy, and asks what his wish is.
The guy calms down, stands up, and says: "Make 'em all ugly again."
What We Do In Life Echos In Eternity.
STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand
Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.
Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them…
you are a mile away from them…
and you have their shoes.
“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.”
I freaking love this thread.
I wanna be like RAZ!!! [ZÅ]Paradox
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